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I've just cycled back from a speed dating event at Brighton College, where I used to go to school. I managed to get a free ticket because it was over subscribed with women and they needed more men to come along. I thought that as I've never done it before I'd give it a go. That plus the fact that my last girlfriend recently split up with me, and I thought that I'd try and get back into “the game”. In the end there were too many guys in the 18-35 group and I had to wait at the beginning of the evening, while the whole room was bantering away, before I got to speak to anyone. While I was waiting, I streamed my consciousness onto paper and have now shared it with you below:

"Being back in Brighton College is strange after so many years. What used to be familiar now seems so alien, pompous and ridiculous. And to be back here for speed dating – even stranger!

"They registered me in the wrong group. Apparently there are 27 men to the 20 women. People are bantering away, trying to sell themselves, show their best sides, first impressions in those vital 3-4 minutes. One woman I spoke to earlier said that you should know within that time if you want to meet that person again. Really? Is first contact really so important? What will other people think of me? How well will I manage to sell myself? Will anyone pick me at the end of the night?

"By the time the first woman reaches me she'll already have spoken to 7 other men. Will they have ticked others boxes already? Will they be tired of telling their same old stories over and over again? Will they be much better versed in the speed-dating game? What questions shall I ask them? How shall I engage them? One guy I spoke to said that he'd come with pre-prepared questions after going speed dating once before. “If you were to be an animal, what animal would you be?” he suggested. Something fun, something funny, he said. Something to make them laugh. Looking around, laughing seems to be the symptom of success. That you are making the other person happy. That they like what the other is saying. I'll probably now go into it extremely paranoid when the other person isn't laughing or smiling. When they don't seem to be enjoying my company. I'm notoriously bad at first impressions and it often takes me a long time to get to know people – how will I do today?

[Went and got a drink and then came back and did some more writing]

“I also feel quite alienated and anonymous just sitting here amidst the endless sales pitches waiting for a woman to come and talk to me. Although I can listen to the guy next to me who is before me in the line. Maybe pick up tips on my future 4 minute dates. I am worried that I've become incredibly serious recently. Politics, politics, politics. All I can think about. I'm not sure how much these people want to hear about the Israel-Palestine conflict or the aids pandemic? Or maybe I could discuss Chomsky or workers' co-operatives? ;) I don't know. I'm sure it'll come to me. I like to think that I'm good at asking questions, especially because I'm genuinely curious. I want to find out how people tick. What makes them go. What makes them happy? Try and understand more about the world. I hope the others...”

[At this point my 4 minutes conversations began with the 20 women, which were occasionally interspersed with breaks]

Typing this down now makes me want to share a few reflections after the event. Firstly, it was a really great way to spend an evening. I'd highly recommend it to other single people. I shouldn't have been worrying so much before the event started – it all turned out okay in the end. I met a wide range of people, such as a doctor, several teachers, a councillor, somebody who works within a pharmaceutical company, a management consultant, as well as many more. It was amazing speaking to, and learning from, such a wide variety of people, especially because I would not normally come into contact with them.

I enjoyed talking to almost all of the women who sat at my table. While I only ticked the boxes for some of them, even those I didn't tick were still often interesting to talk to. There was only one person who I didn't really enjoy talking to because she only talked about herself! It also didn't help that she was quite drunk at the time. The next girl who I speed dated then asked me what was the worst meeting I'd had so far that evening. I told her about this drunk girl and how she only talked about herself. It turned out they had come together and that they were friends! While she could see the funny side of it (and promised that she wouldn't tell her friend), I definitely had put my foot in it there!

At one point I even asked the animal question mentioned above to one woman. She answered that she'd be a lion and started roaring at me. In return, for no particular reason, she asked what Mr Men character I would be. I replied “Mr Messy” because that was the only Mr Men character that I could remember. That was verging on the surreal. Indeed, some of the conversations ended up being very surreal.

I'd spoken to the event organiser earlier in the evening and he'd recommended asking "original" questions because people quickly get bored answering the standard questions, such as: How did you find out about tonight? What do you do for a living? Where do you live? And so on.

According to him, if you asked original questions then at least the women would remember their conversations with you. So, at various points throughout the evening I asked questions like: What makes you happy? What inspires you? What was the last dream that you've had? What would be your ideal job if you could do anything in the world? Have you ticked the boxes for any other guys? Why? What was so great about them? What are you looking for in a guy? If you were to go out with someone in this room, what would you like to do on your first date? What's the most exciting thing you've ever done? Are there any questions which no-one has asked you tonight, which you would like me to ask? What would you like to talk about? And so on. I even ended up talking about workers' co-operative to one woman, and she started telling me about a doctors workers' co-operative in London where the cleaners, nurses and doctors are all paid the same wage. I don't know to what extent that is true, but if it is, it is very radical.

Anyway, while these questions led to interesting, fun and sometimes surreal conversation, I'll find out tomorrow if my strategy worked. Apparently I'll receive an email giving me the contact details of the people who both ticked my box and whose box I also ticked. The event organiser told me that a small minority don't get anyone picking you. Most get one or two and some people even get 7-9. I shall wait and see.

At the very least, I already met one woman who gave me her email address after a conversation that went especially well. Also, when I went to leave, I ended up chatting to two women, who were in the 30-45 age group, who I'd met earlier in the evening before the whole night began. They both gave me their numbers and told me to ring them! One of them even said that they wanted a toy boy and that most of the men they'd met in their age group that evening were boring! I took their numbers, but I don't know if I'll ring them. I'll see how I feel over the next few days. Irrespective of whether I contact them or not, it was definitely good for the ego!

To finish, I've now come to believe that the symptom of success with speed dating is not laughter, especially as that laughter could be nervous and/or fleeting. What women really wanted, as some of them told me, was leaving the 4 minute conversation wanting to hear more. To leave the conversation wanting to find out answers to questions they'd either already asked or did not yet get to ask. It was about being really engaged by the other person and then wanting to find out more.

Hopefully, I'll hear back tomorrow from the women who engaged me and who I want to find out more about.

Good night.