Stories

Getting tested for STDs in Brighton

I recently went to the Wilde Clinic for gay and bisexual men to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). If you didn't know it already, I have slept with both men and women, but mostly women. I'd had no symptoms of disease but thought it was about time to get tested (it had been around 5 years) as well as my last ex-girlfriend insisting that she wouldn't give me a blowjob unless she was sure I didn't have anything infectious. Unfortunately the relationship ended, but my desire to know didn't.

I rang up on a Monday and was able to get an appointment that Wednesday for a "Sexual health MOT." I was going to get the works. After cycling to the clinic, I filled in a form at reception, which amongst other things let me decide whether my GP could access the results of the test. I ticked the 'No' box because of potential insurance, mortagage and privacy reasons.

Real alternatives to capitalism? A talk by Derek Wall

Below are my notes from a talk I recently went to at Sussex University by Derek Wall, Principal Speaker of the Green Party, on 'Real Alternatives to Capitalism'. The talk was very thought provoking although I do wish he had expanded on the politics and power of introducing some of the alternatives he suggested (for example, how the hell do you get from an 'exchange value' system to a 'use value' system?)

Before you read it, please note that Derek expands on the points he made in the talk in his blog post on Real Alternatives to Capitalism as well as in his book BABYLON AND BEYOND: The Economics of Anti-Capitalist, Anti-Globalist and Radical Green Movements

What do I want to do with my life? 4 potential directions

"Why should we be in such desperate haste to succeed, and in such desperate enterprises? If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer." - Henry David Thoreau

"We think of self-control as something that limits freedom, but in fact it’s just the opposite: the true freedom of the sailor is taking the helm of his boat and sailing in the direction he wants to go, thus being the master of his destiny." - Matthieu Ricard

I have been unsure for quite a while about what I should do with my life when my course finishes in September. I am especially worried about where I will work and live. To try and bring clarity to my mind, I have written down four potential directions that my life could take and the reasons for each one. Some of the options are not mutually exclusive, and hopefully I will be able to find some form of synergy between them, for example by working part-time within an agricultural workers' co-operative. As always, suggestions, criticisms and life lessons are welcome from anyone who comes across this:

Things which I – as well as other people – dislike about my self

I recently wrote a list of things which I, as well as other people, dislike about my self. It mixes together what I dislike about myself with what various other people have said to me in the past. I’m not sure if it’s a good idea to put it online. However, many Netizens only show their best sides on their personal websites and I feel that it is both honest and healthy to openly admit and discuss what you feel insecure about.

Obviously, I dislike the following points to varying degrees, and my feelings about each individual point have changed, and will continue to change, over time. Writing them down helped me to think through, and become more conscious, about how I feel about myself. Having them written down also means that I can re-read them, think about them, discuss them and then work on them. This, for me, is much better than just living in a state of denial about my self which inevitably leads to falling into the same old mistakes or life-pattern loops over and over again.

Posted in Day to Day Life | Politics | Stories ed's blog | read more | 477 reads
Submitted by ed on Sun, 2007-04-22 17:42.

Impressions on speed dating

I've just cycled back from a speed dating event at Brighton College, where I used to go to school. I managed to get a free ticket because it was over subscribed with women and they needed more men to come along. I thought that as I've never done it before I'd give it a go. That plus the fact that my last girlfriend recently split up with me, and I thought that I'd try and get back into “the game”. In the end there were too many guys in the 18-35 group and I had to wait at the beginning of the evening, while the whole room was bantering away, before I got to speak to anyone. While I was waiting, I streamed my consciousness onto paper and have now shared it with you below:

Posted in Day to Day Life | Stories ed's blog | read more | 315 reads
Submitted by ed on Thu, 2007-04-19 02:31.

Agri-Culture: Reconnecting People, Land and Nature

In his book Agri-Culture: Reconnecting People, Land and Nature, Jules Pretty argues for a sustainable agricultural revolution by showing that agricultural and food systems, and the landscapes they shape, are a common heritage to us all. For all our human history, we have been shaped by nature, while shaping it in return. In recent times Pretty argues that the shaping has been destructive, with food seen as a commodity and no longer part of culture. As Jules Pretty points out, Roman agricultural writers spoke of agriculture as two things: "agri and cultura (the fields and the culture). It is only very recently that we have filtered out the culture and replaced it with commodity." (p.7) In our modern and industrial ages, we are losing languages, memories and stories about land and nature. These disconnections matter because they serve to promote a persistent dualism - that nature is separate from people, that nature can be conserved in wildernesses and reserves, and that economies can succeed without regard to the fundamental significance of agricultural and food systems.

Posted in Environment | Politics | Stories ed's blog | read more | 1015 reads
Submitted by ed on Mon, 2007-01-08 12:58.

Christmas Folklore

(Image: illustration of the sun god comes from Splendor Solis, a 16th century alchemical work)

Instead of talking about how Christmas has turned into a consumerist dream (or a environmentalists nightmare, with people buying more and more energy intensive gadgets for each other and rooms across the land being filled with dead, pulped trees), I thought that I would delve into the history and traditions of Christmas. Many people (including myself) cynically describe Christmas as a time when shoppers buy other people presents they don't need with money they don't have. However, I thought that I would try and be a little more positive this time round and explore the Folklore Myths and Legends surrounding Britain and Christmas.

Posted in Stories ed's blog | read more | 623 reads
Submitted by ed on Wed, 2006-12-20 19:35.

Responses to Des Turner Correspondence

After sending out the blog post about the correspondence I had with Des Turner to various people and mailing lists I had quite a few responses. Thought they might be of interest to everyone as they show how different people are thinking about (and responding to) the threat of climate change. I have removed peoples signatures so that they can keep their anonymity. I've also put the emails in alternative colours so you can easily differentiate from one to the next. The comments in bold are my own.

I'm still looking for more help on how to reply to him. In his last reply to me he really tried to close down the conversation. How can I constructively open it up again so that I get him to actually answer my questions? Email me at ed -AT- acrewoods -DOT- net

Posted in Environment | Politics | Stories ed's blog | read more | 568 reads
Submitted by ed on Fri, 2006-12-15 21:53.

A Love Poem

Below is a love poem I wrote some time ago to an ex-girlfriend after she split up with me. The poem is a remix of around 20 of my favourite Sylvia Plath, Robert Frost and John Ashbery poems and incorporates my own writing, thoughts and feelings. I attach a second version below with all of the references to where I got my inspiration. I thought I'd put it online as it reminds me of good (and bad) times past. Unfortunately it didn't work out between us, but I still love her very much as a friend...

Love Poem

Sky and sea, horizon-hinged,
Clapped shut, flatten this man out,
I crawl now like an ant in mourning
Over the weedy acres of your brow,
To try to mend the immense skull-plates and clear
The bald, white anger of your eyes.

Up here among the gull cries, we strolled through a maze of clouds,
The sun purpled the fig in the leaf's shadow, turned the dust pink.
It's not easy to state the change you made,
If I'm dead now, then I was alive.

All night I have dreamed of destruction, annihilations -
An assembly line of cutthroats, and you and I
Hitching off in a gray Chevrolet, drinking the green
Poison of wild fields, the little indistinguishable signs,
Noiseless, on rubber wheels, on the way to the city of a thousand spires.

I don't want what happened between us to happen in darkness,
Vanishing easily and often as each breath.
I could be mute as mannequins in a shop window,
But my heart is under your foot.

I need to pour myself out like an unfolded fluid,
But will these flowery words that fly and all but sing,
Having ridden our desire, lie closed over in the wind and cling,
Like smiling hooks, onto your skin?

I don't want to keep washing up like an old bone,
You finding me over and over with the sound of the sea in my mouth,
Full of contradictory ideas, stupid ones as well as
Worthwhile ones, but all flooding the surface of our minds.

I try to think of a place I could hide and forget you
As a desk drawer hides a poison pen letter,
But there is no drawer to hold you.
Blue sky or black
You preoccupy my horizon.
What good is all that space if I can't be with you?

When one of the stars falls from the blueblack sky it leaves a space,
A sense of absence in its old shining place,
And where I type now, back to my own dark star,
I see the absence in the constellations.
My mind gravitates to the weight of this single thought,
Unable to escape this singularity, this point where all lines meet:

Can we meet up sometime?

For god's sake I love you, you fill my dreams.
I'm so sorry I upset you,
I promise to try and never do it again.
I promise to appreciate you, to believe in you, to hold you in my arms.

Posted in Day to Day Life | Literature | Stories ed's blog | read more | 456 reads
Submitted by ed on Thu, 2006-12-14 12:38.

Heads raise up suddenly with the shock of silence

Last night I went to a classical concert with my mum. I love listening to classical music and was more than willing to keep her company (especially as she was buying the tickets!). I took in a note pad and scribbled down my thoughts of the first half while listening to the music. Thought I'd put my unedited notes online as they are quite funny:

1st piece - Mozart - Hoffmeister Quartet K499 D major

Grating screeches. Violinists pushing strings back and forth to create some kind of harmony. At one level tearing at my skin, at another I'm amazed that the four string instruments can come together like this. The musicians sway side to side trying to show how emotionally involved they are. Giving us something to watch apart from the journey that the music sends us on in our minds. Lulled into a calm dream state...they pause...the end of the piece...heads raise up suddenly with the shock of silence...no one claps...everyone knows the etiquette.

Posted in Day to Day Life | Stories ed's blog | read more | 2738 reads
Submitted by ed on Sat, 2006-05-20 18:08.